A Real Shit Bird

This isn't very funny but this is a true story. Actually all these strories are true. the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

My first interview for a teaching position consisted of a few questions completley unrelated to teaching and some good advise from a real shit stick.

I arrived to the building a few minutes early. I waited outside the asst. special ed directors office. After a short time he brought me in to his office and had me sit. He took about five minutes to page through my file.

Do you know how long five minutes is when you're 22 and slightly nervous. Holy Shit. And this bone job was paging through my stuff making faces and sighing like he was really put out by the whole event. Then after five long ass minutes he looks and says "Oh...are you Jesse's buddy?"

I said, "Yeah"

He let out a stupid little laugh, dropped my file on the desk and said, "Fuck this then. we'll have to sit in here and bull shit for awhile or the cunt across the hall will run up to the director crying nepotism."

To be honest I was pretty happy at the time. He continued on, "you're the kid from PV, the football player?"

I said, "No that's my brother. I played baseball."

He said, "Oh shit thats right now I remember. You're brother doesn't fuck around on the football feild."

We engaged in some more small talk about football, which I know nothing about. The this shit bird gave me sagely advise.

He looked at the clock and said, "Five more minutes should make it look like we went through everything. But I'll tell you these are tough, tough kids. I guy your size...I'll tell you exactly how to set the tone for the year. First day...walk in introduce yourself...and when you do this these asshole kids will try to test you believe. You grab the biggest nigger in the class and fucking blast him. Don't hurt him just send a message to everyone that you're not the guy to fuck with."

I didn't know what to say back. I just sat there. I was happy to have a job.

Then he stood up and shook my hand. "I'll let you get the fuck out of here. You probably have better shit to do anyway. And! AND! If anyone asks about your interview you tell 'em it was fucking brutal. You were grilled. I have a rule...you fuck me once and I'm done with you. You got it? I hire good people to do a good job. If I can't trust 'em I have no use for 'em. You got it? You know what they say about shit?

At the time I didn't know shit...so I just shook my head to say no.

"No? A fuckin' hillybilly like you...Shit rolls down hill. Right now you're at the bottom of the fuckin' hill. And me...I don't owe you a thing. I don't have to give you a job. But, I trust Jesse and I trust Jesse's opinion."

I turned to leave still happy I had a job and he whistled for me to stop.

"Now I'm going to tell you one thing. This fucking cunt across the hall. You gotta watch her. She's a fucking bitch and she just likes to start shit...you know the type. Watch what you say to her. She'll take any little thing you say and fucking twist it into something...OK? When you're in with her just fucking yes her to death. She'll be calling you to come back to go over your benfits, sickdays shit like that."

So I left that day happy to have a job. I'll write more about this smack job in the future. But, he was right about one thing the woman across the hall was a complete turd. When I did come back for her to go over my benfits she grilled me on my interview. She was such a condescending dick head. While going over my benefits package she would remind me that she had more education then I did, more experience then I did, and a bunch of other items not even remotely related to my FN benfits package. She did tell me I'd be working with Moleman and she would be very interested to find out what his work ethic was like. She warned me to call her if Moleman wasn't doing his job... I'll write about her more too.

Quality individuals we have running our schools.

For the record, my first day of school I didn't beat up anyone. Actually the class I had was 6-8. There were only 4 kids to start and they were all white kids. that's not to say if they weren't I would have put my hands on them