Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Kowtow to the King
I'm getting ready to go to a party. The King Shit Bird will be attending this party as well. I've already decided to put myself on a three second delay should I happen to be in a situation forcing me to talk to this bonejob. The three second delay is a very powerful tool when dealing with shit birds. It's very simple too. If a shit bird tries to engage you in conversation you simpley pause three seconds before you say anything. Three seconds of silence is touture to a shit bird especially when they know you have their number.
Typically I dont go out of my way to be an A-hole, but in this case I will make an exception. The King Shit Bird lives for social gatherings where he play the role of the local boy who made good and returned to the community a highly educated and successful man. (Highly educated and successful is certainly subjective in this case) That's his miliue. He lives for other shit birds to kowtow to him and rub his bottom to make him feel important. A little bit of uncomfortable silence should just be enough for me to do to piss all over his parade.
This is not really going to help my cause at work. But, this is the only way I know how to be. And 70 years from now when the King SHit Bird is dead I can look back at this time in my life and know that I never kowtowed to any shitbird. The funny thing is these smackjobs think that they have broken me. I will return to their fiefdom as much as I can and I will shit in their sink.
Honestly I think this is what I was put here to do. Growing up my hero's were guys like Eddie Haskell, Jokey Smurf, Woody Wood Pecker, Lex Luther, Al Bundy, Ric Flair, Ty Cobb, and Grandpa Munster just to name a few. They are all fictional characters which I think is a little weird on my part. For the most part they are not supervillians but they irritate the shit out their enemies. I love that. And now I'm off to hopfully ruin the night of the King of Shit Birds
Typically I dont go out of my way to be an A-hole, but in this case I will make an exception. The King Shit Bird lives for social gatherings where he play the role of the local boy who made good and returned to the community a highly educated and successful man. (Highly educated and successful is certainly subjective in this case) That's his miliue. He lives for other shit birds to kowtow to him and rub his bottom to make him feel important. A little bit of uncomfortable silence should just be enough for me to do to piss all over his parade.
This is not really going to help my cause at work. But, this is the only way I know how to be. And 70 years from now when the King SHit Bird is dead I can look back at this time in my life and know that I never kowtowed to any shitbird. The funny thing is these smackjobs think that they have broken me. I will return to their fiefdom as much as I can and I will shit in their sink.
Honestly I think this is what I was put here to do. Growing up my hero's were guys like Eddie Haskell, Jokey Smurf, Woody Wood Pecker, Lex Luther, Al Bundy, Ric Flair, Ty Cobb, and Grandpa Munster just to name a few. They are all fictional characters which I think is a little weird on my part. For the most part they are not supervillians but they irritate the shit out their enemies. I love that. And now I'm off to hopfully ruin the night of the King of Shit Birds
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